Putting the Needs of the Parent First Over Visiting Children

It is difficult to turn the focus on mom or dad and away from the visiting adult children who believe they are caregivers but aren't aware of a parent's needs. Most of what is written about nowadays focuses more and more on the stress and sacrifices of the caregivers. However, when mom or dad's needs are not being served the best, it may help to find out who is the family leader and advocate on behalf of the elder who's needs aren't being met because visiting adult children have flown into town and have no idea of the needs of an Alzheimer's patient for consistency, a quiet/safe environment, and the importance of routine. For example, a patient (let's call her Mary) who started having behaviors associated with sundowner's syndrome -- common in Alzheimer's type dementia -- back in December was being visited by out of town children who kept her out all night at the local gambling casino, missing adequate sleep, medication, and the routine of her daily caregiver who had established a set of daily activities with Mary. An earlier post warned against family interruption of routines and while they are encouraged to visit, adult children must also be cognizant of the needs of the elder not to have routine interrupted by activities that are over stimulating.

Once again, eight months later, the elder has now progressed to the wandering stage with new agitation against her daily caregivers once again preceded by overstimulation during a visit. When alone with the caregivers, Mary follows a simple routine with activities outside the home which she enjoys but are not designed to overstimulate. However, a family member flies in to see the parent but decides to participate in activites which are outside of her routine and have overstimulated her psychie. When the children leave, she gets agitated, confused, and resumes wandering behavior patterns, acting out against the caregivers to the point of violence.

The lesson in this scenario is that mom or dad definitely shouldn't suffer while trying to accommodate the family's schedules.

Care Managers who take time to put an action plan in place for the elder and communicate the changes in a client's needs for a comfortable stable routine as Alzheimer's disease progresses, take great pains to make sure overstimulation doesn't take place. Mom or dad's needs shouldn't suffer as a result of well meaning adult children. To discuss your parent's caregiving needs, contact: olga@agooddaughter.com

Our team of care managers will complete an assessment and put together a plan of action to ensure your parent's needs are being adequately met.