Guilt and Doing the Right Thing for an Aging Parent

While parenting a parent is a privilege for some it causes a great deal of stress and strain for others. Sure it is brutal; stressful; and leaves no time to take care of oneself. Having a legal document naming an adult child as power of attorney does not empower one to take away a senior's right to live in his own home. Locking them away in a facility when the senior parent absolutely will not go may be avoided. When I hear my family members talk about their parents as nothing more than a burden, it breaks my heart. Today there are avenues that a family member may take advantage of if a parent absolutely will not go to a facility. A live-in caregiver may provide a safety net so that he or she doesn't have to be alone all night. Reverse Mortgages can greatly contribute towards providing extra income towards those caregiver expenses. Long term insurance will also pay for a live-in. But still and all, I have seen family members who've done a quit-claim deed taking away mom's Florida condo so they may have a place to vacation not realizing this will ruin a parent's approval for Medicaid when they need a nursing home placement down the road. I tell you, it's brutal out there. Although there are some truly great facilities where a senior may actively participate in having a good quality of life, oftentimes, they are better off in the familiar atmosphere of their own home. So, I advise my adult family members to put away those parent and child roles and make your relationships work. It is better to get rid of your guilt and care for your elderly parents even if they didn't take care of you. You will feel a lot better when they have passed away.

If you need to consult someone who's been there and has been through all those experiences herself, contact Olga Brunner of A Good Daughter Elder Care. She's got very big shoulders.  Our caregiver support group meets every 3rd Wednesday of the month between 5:30 pm and 7:30 pm.